Dinosaurs Aren't Purple
by Blatherskite3
Summary: Who knew a children's show could cause so many problems? -2007/G1- Rewritten and updated.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, Barney the Dinosaur or anything else and I make no monetary profit from this story.  
Warnings: OOC, very possible butchering of Grimlock's unique speech, Barney bashing.  
Universe: Bridges the 2007 movie and G1, therefore a crossover  
Thanks: Requested by _supergirlprime_.  
Note: This story is for fun, and not meant to insult anyone.

* * *

**Dinosaurs Aren't Purple**

It was your average day at Diego Garcia; the sun was shining, the birds were chirping... and Annabelle Lennox was watching the Autobot-sized television; the blond five year old was completely engrossed in the show.

She was being watched by her family's guardian, Ironhide. The black weapons specialist had no interest in what his charge was watching, so he was polishing the inside of his cannons. He still had an optic trained on the little girl, though.

That was how Grimlock found them. Grimlock was new to Earth, and had yet to really pick up on it's customs. He had come to Earth with the rest of his 'team', the Dinobots. They're all basically Autobots who, instead of transforming into cars or jets, transform into dinosaurs.

Grimlock was in his alternate form – a Tyrannosaurus Rex. He thundered in, not caring who or what he disrupted. Grimlock looked around the room until his gaze settled on the television. He tilted his head to the side and asked, "What you Annabelle watching?"

Annabelle giggled, turning to her large metal companion. "Barney the Dinosaur!" she beamed. On the screen there was a purple and green dinosaur singing to a group of children her age.

Ironhide had to hold back a biting comment. He absolutely _hated_ the show! He also thought that Barney was more than a little bit creepy, hanging around with all those little kids and singing about love and physical affection.

Grimlock, though, had become intrigued and looked at the TV screen. He soon became completely confused. "Me Grimlock no think dinosaurs purple. Me Grimlock not purple," the T-Rex sniffed haughtily.

Ironhide, without thinking responded, "Of course not. It's made up, Grimlock."

Annabelle's mouth fell open, and tears sprung into her eyes. "Barney's not real?" the girl sniffled.

Ironhide froze like a deer caught in headlights. _'Oh slag what have I done...?'_

It was time to do some damage control."Of course Barney is real, Annabelle!" the black mech said quickly. Annabelle beamed, while Grimlock frowned.

"But you Ironhide just said that he Barney not real," Grimlock pointed out. Ironhide cursed quietly in Cybertronian.

Ironhide looked at Grimlock. "He's not-" Ironhide turned to Annabelle and continued, "-But he is!"

Grimlock and Annabelle shared a confused look. That was a complete and total paradox. "How can he Barney be real and not real?" Grimlock prompted.

If he could, Ironhide would be sweating bullets right about then.

"Daddy always said that Barney was real," Annabelle piped up.

Ironhide mentally groaned. _'Thank you _so much_, Will.'_ the mech grumbled internally. Unfortunately, Ironhide couldn't be too mad at Major Lennox, because he had only said that to keep Annabelle happy.

Ironhide desperately searched for a way to make this all right. "Barney can... uh... he's..." he tried – and failed.

Grimlock and Annabelle continued to stare at him expectantly. Ironhide was out of things to say. _'Please Primus, please save me from this nightmare!'_ he silently prayed.

Primus answered his prayer in the form of Mikaela Banes. She walked into the room, took a look around, and arched an eyebrow. "What's going on?"

"Ironhide says Barney's not real!" the girl cried. But then she frowned, "Then he said that he is..."

Mikaela then understood. She knelt down in front of Annabelle and smiled. "Aw 'Belle, you know Barney's real. Come on, let's go get some ice cream. Away from the non-believers."

Mikaela helped Annabelle up and held her hand, leading the now considerably happier girl away. Once they were gone, Ironhide slumped in relief.

He looked at Grimlock, who was still waiting but with a scowl now. "Alright, Barney the purple dinosaur isn't real. I had to tell Annabelle that he was. But he isn't."

"Oh! Me Grimlock think me understand."

Ironhide breathed a sigh of relief. Thank Primus that's-

"Me Grimlock go tell other Dinobots about this!" Grimlock exclaimed. Before Ironhide could protest, Grimlock had thundered out of the room.

-Over.

Ironhide sat there for a while, his processor trying to process what had just happened. He had created a monster, he just knew it. He also knew that he was going to be blamed for whatever havoc comes from this.

The sound of angry stomping drew Ironhide back to the real world. Ratchet stormed into the room and up to Ironhide. Ratchet's face was contorted into a scowl; an Autobot-sized wrench clenched tightly in his fist.

Ironhide gulped. Regardless of what a wrench was _actually_ used for, Ratchet could make it into a deadly weapon when angry. And right now the Chief Medical Officer of the Autobots looked _livid_.

"Ironhide," Ratchet said through clenched teeth. "If Grimlock and his brethren become obsessed with this 'Barney', then _you_ will pay the price!"

Ironhide nodded mutely. I ashamed him that while he could face down Megatron without shuttering an optic, he was ready to run and hide from an old medic.

Ratchet gave him one last warning look, before he turned and stomped back out of the room. His dark glower never left his face.

Ironhide willed his spark to stop pulsing so fast. Once the fear had passed, though, he buried his face in his palm. Bad things always seemed to happen to him... and Ironhide was getting pretty tired of it.

"Why me, Primus? Why?" he asked, his voice muffled by his palm.

And all the while, Barney the Dinosaur was still playing in the background.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks: This chapter was requested/inspired by _imaginethat96_.  
Note: I also re-wrote the previous chapter, go and have a look if you haven't already. (Because I did mention it in the summary. X3)

* * *

**Dinosaurs Aren't Purple  
****Chapter Two**

Grimlock thundered into the Dinobots' private wing. They're all very large and take up a lot of space, so Optimus Prime just decided to give them an entire wing. They usually hang out in alternative (Dinosaur) mode in the hangar, as well as everywhere else.

None of the other Dinobots looked up as their leader stomped inside. This angered Grimlock, who loves to be the center of attention. "Dinobots!" he shouted.

"What?" Swoop, the Pteranodon, demanded in a hoarse voice. He was laying flat on his back with his wings spread out.

Grimlock pointed to himself, and with a proud expression exclaimed, "Me Grimlock discovered new show!"

This caught everyone's interest. The one thing about Earth and their 'puny humans' that the Dinobots loved... is television. No one knew why; every time someone asked the Dinobot in question would get defensive. And when they get defensive, they get violent.

With a look of nonchalant curiosity, a Triceratops asked, "What me Slag want to know is: what show?"

"Barney the Dinosaur!" Grimlock practically shouted. As if the others couldn't hear him if he spoke at a normal volume.

There was a beat of silence. "'Dinosaur'?" Sludge, the Brontosaurus and least intelligent of the group repeated inquiringly.

"Dinosaur like Dinobot," Swoop explained. He, as opposed to Sludge, was the most intelligent of the group.

A soft (by Dinobot standards) murmur broke out among them. A Dino...saur... like them? Could they meet him? What was he doing on TV? Weren't dinosaurs extinct, according to Ratchet?

Finally one Dinobot had had enough. With a huff, Snarl the Stegosaurus tromped out of the hangar to watch this show for himself.

Grimlock saw his subordinate leave and thundered after him, calling, "You Snarl wait for me, Grimlock!"

The other Dinobots shared a look before following after the first two.

* * *

Ratchet had been having a good day. There had been no pranks by the twins, no glitching done by Prowl, no "friendly fire" courtesy of Ironhide; just serene bliss.

Ratchet checked the time and figured he should refuel. He stood up from the chair he was lounged in and headed for the medbay's door. He palmed it open...

...Only to nearly get trampled by five over excited metallic Dinosaurs.

"What are you slag heaps doing?" Ratchet shouted at his creations. He waved a wrench around as he spoke for emphasis.

"We Dinobots going to watch TV," one answered. Ratchet didn't care who it was, really. Without delay the Dinobots started off again.

Ratchet groaned and firmly placed his face in his palm. He had just _known_ that something like this was going to happen. And it wasn't a big leap to guess that it would end in disaster. _Everything_ the Dinobots did ended in disaster.

Ratchet's good day had been brutally murdered and tossed down a well. He sighed, and shuffled his way after the Dinobots. Even if he tried to avoid it, he would just be called in eventually.

It was times like these that Ratchet regretted helping Wheeljack – his best friend, who was still on Cybertron – create the Dinobots out of spare parts.

As expected, Ratchet found the wayward mechs situated in front of a human-sized television. No one else was in the room; either they had cleared out when they heard the Dinobots coming, or they were never there to begin with.

He reluctantly turned his gaze to the television set. The Dinobots were crowded around the custom made TV, almost drooling as they watched._ Perhaps television really does rot your CPU..._

A man in a purple and green dinosaur suit was in what appeared to be a forest. Barney was explaining what to do in case you got lost – hug a tree and stay where you are. Ratchet had a sudden, disturbing mental image of the Dinobots hugging a poor, defenseless tree.

Soon came the time for them to all sing together. Ratchet muted his audio receptors with a cringe. He really didn't approve of this whole thing, but after that he just couldn't be bothered. With that thought in mind, the medic retreated to his medbay.

He bumped into Ironhide on the way. The black mech's mouth was moving, but no sound was coming out. "What?" Ratchet scowled irritably. He wasn't in the mood for charades.

Ironhide looked annoyed himself as he repeated his sentence. Again, no sound registered. It was then that Ratchet realized, with great embarrassment, that he still had his audio receptors muted. "I'm sorry Ironhide, would you mind repeating that once more?"

Ironhide sighed heavily. "I _said_: what's going on?"

"The Dinobots have become obsessed with Barney the Dinosaur, just as I predicted."

Ironhide cringed. Ratchet had, indeed, predicted that it would happen. Along with that prediction was a threat to Ironhide's well being. Ratchet was not one to make idle threats, either.

Ratchet fixed the Weapons Specialist with a dark glare. He uttered two words: "Fix it."

Ironhide nodded reluctantly. He would choose the Dinobots and Barney over Ratchet and his temper any day.

Seemingly satisfied, Ratchet continued to the medbay. Ironhide stared after him for a few minutes, trying to figure out just how he was supposed to 'fix this'. The Dinobots were near impossible to get through to. They were also extremely dangerous when angry.

Ironhide would need to be tactful and sneaky in order to fix this problem.

* * *

The Dinobots cried out in outrage as the TV blew up in a shower of sparks. Barney had been right in the middle of singing their favorite song!

Grimlock jumped to his feet in outrage. "Me Grimlock say: _HOW DARE YOU_?"

The other Dinobots growled their agreement.

"Barney is not a good show," Ironhide held his ground. "Why don't you go outside and wrestle each other instead? Or fish, you all love to fish."

The Dinobots shared a look before nodding. "Me guess you Ironhide right. Wrestling much more fun!"

With that, the Dinobots scrambled to go outside. Ironhide was quite pleased with himself and his problem solving abilities.

Until the Earth shook with a loud _BOOM_!

It took less then a minute for Ratchet to storm into the room, pelt Ironhide in the head with a wrench, and leave.

"Of course I have to fix _everything_!" Ratchet's angry shout could be heard faintly.

Ironhide cringed. Today had just not been his day.


End file.
